


"FILTHY"

by TheBroken



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Canon Lesbian Character, F/F, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Molestation, Suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:27:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27168616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBroken/pseuds/TheBroken
Summary: Aihara Mei, the deeply troubled new class president, meets a certain beautiful and daring new blonde student who she can't stop thinking about...
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	"FILTHY"

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This has triggers of non consensual sex!...Be warned, my gentle readers!

It was her fault, Mei decided. Yes, that gorgeous, blonde, green-eyed girl.

If she hadn't had been drawn to that disturbance that the new student was making, if she hadn't had faced her down the way she did, if that beautiful girl hadn't stood up to her so strongly at first, if she, Mei, hadn't decided to frisk her for her smartphone, and run her hands along that lovely figure... If, if, if...

 _"Stop it!"_ She said out loud, involuntarily looking around the room, which was empty, of course. " My God,' she thought, 'I'm having some kind of breakdown! I can't get that girl out of my mind!" She sat at the desk, holding her pale delicate face in her elegant hands, nearly at the point of... crying, screaming... what?

She couldn't be thinking about how nice that brief moment of contact with the other girl had felt, running her hand over the firm, round bottom... _"Damn it! "_ she cried out loud, again. She was going to be married! She couldn't be liking girls! Her grandfather had arranged a marriage for her with one of the teachers!

 _"Who is a loathsome, pawing, perverted pig who smells of alcohol, tobacco...and even worse vices!"_ She thought with disgust, remembering his ugly groping of her body, handling her like meat, his fingers under her skirt, forcing his filthy tongue into her mouth, the vile taste of... she shivered, revolted at the memory. But, it was what was expected of her, and she always followed orders. Always... following orders... and the memory came pushing forth, back from its filthy little hole that it had crawled into, always ready to spring out unbidden and soil her thoughts...

 _"Your type is good at following orders, aren't they?"_ The senior Classman had said as she backed Mei up against the wall of the storage room that she had forced the younger girl into. _"I can always pick them! You sheltered girls are so weak. You need to find out how the other half lives!"_ Amid the smell of musty old furniture and the pungent odor of female arousal of her assailant, Mei had just shut down, stunned by the direction the unwanted encounter had taken, allowing her body to be moved like a puppet by the older girl, who seemed very practiced at this as she twisted her arms above her head with one hand. _"It's your first time, right?'_ she had whispered with an ugly smirk, placing one knee between her legs and snaking her hand under Mei's skirt, _'So, I'll be gentle with you!"_

Mei shook her head, trying to clear the ugly memory out. She had been used as a tissue, degraded, her innocence left in shreds at the viciousness of the assault, the slobbery mouth, the rough, angry fingers, the pain of her torn hymen, and the fear from seeing blood down there... and left there, shivering and wide-eyed, crouched in shock against the wall, her panties still around her ankles, a soft whimper escaping with every rapid breath. Numb and cold inside, she shook so violently, the disturbed older girl had fled in horror at the ugly act she had just committed on the innocent girl. Mei had knelt there a long time, unable to function, before she got up, shaking, pulled up her panties, and hesitantly stumbled out of the room, her face a frozen mask that she had taken everywhere with her since. Mei never revealed the assault to anyone. But, the girl who had molested her, who had since been taken up trying to do the same thing to another girl, had been right about one thing. She was locked into a pattern of obedience to anyone in any seeming authority, doing what she was told without question, having no life to call her own. In a society and class that took full advantage of her.

Being allowed no feelings. Not being allowed to actually want anything. That blonde girl, on the other hand? She must have a very free life to dress that way, to defy authority, to be so damned attractive... There was the image of that defiant, beautiful girl right in the front of her mind, again! She decided to think of her ordinary routine instead. Just day-to-day doings- that would dismiss her.

Ah yes, her lovely family life! Her father and mother had both deserted her after their bitter divorce, both deciding that they wanted to pursue their own lives after all. Lives that didn't include an eleven-year-old girl. Her father, whom she idolized, telling her he "Had to find himself." and leaving the country. Her cold and distant mother, who had never so much as written a letter in the five years since, telling her to "Uphold her class and position." She had been living by herself since then in a small apartment, her grandfather sending food and other necessities by every week, and having his agents check in on her as needed. She had distanced herself from the one adoring friend she had ever successfully made in her entire life, Himeko. That, and school, was all the life she knew. Until yesterday. She had been informed by an agent of her grandfathers' that her father had remarried and that she was going to be moving into the care of her new stepmother this very day after school. "Just like that,' she mused bitterly, 'after five fucking years, and he gets all domestic again- but he can't even bring himself to face me!"

Great! Something else to interfere with my life. At least one more person to deal with. _"God!'_ she thought, _'I hate people..."_

 _"Green eyes! so iridescent, as though they were gemstones! As if they were the most beautiful Emerald, come to enticing life!_ _Could that girl's_ _dreamy eyes be_ _real?_ _Was she a hafu, maybe?_ "... Mei wondered, her mind churning with a thousand exciting possibilities, and imagining... _so_ _much! What would her body be like, naked? That long, golden hair..._

 _"Stop it!"_ she snarled. _"Stop thinking about pretty girls! You can't be queer!'_ She threw her hands to her head in anguish. _"God, I'm melting down! I_ _can't take the stress!"_ she stifled a sob in her throat, but the image of that blonde continued to torment her, and she _knew_ what she was going to _have_ to do, by familiar habit, just to start functioning again. With a groan of self-disgust, she got up from the desk and locked the door. _"Filthy!"_ She whispered to her reflection in the window, an ethereally beautiful teen-aged Japanese girl with an expression of stark resignation and haunted, violet-tinged eyes. _"You don't get to want pretty girls! You don't get...TO WANT."_ she told the lovely image. She nearly spat at it in self-loathing as she drew the curtain, shrugged in defeat, and slowly sat in a corner of the room, pulling her panties down as she did so. It should have been an act of tender self-love, but it was just a painkiller she had discovered. Her fingers trembled as they moved downwards, almost with a will of their own, to hopefully grant her that one moment of sweet release that she could have all to herself. Her secret. _"Other girls do it, too!"_ she thought, _"Other girls do it, too! Why do I feel so..'_

 _"F...filthy?"_ she whispered as she began to move her fingers rhythmically against herself, shutting her wet, pain-filled eyes and choking back a sob. She tried to lose her suffering in fantasies about holding a bold, beautiful, emerald green-eyed girl, who had a life all her own, who touched her in all her secret, yearning places...

**Author's Note:**

> I believe, (And I'm not the only fan!) That Aihara Mei was at least molested some time when younger, if not raped. She exhibits most of the mental health symptoms of this at many times during the Citrus story. Recall to mind several of the scenes of her and Yuzu alone, where she appears to be reenacting something that happened to her. Her self-loathing and poor self esteem, the way she allows herself to be used, the way she just freezes when someone forces themselves on her and allows them to continue like it was normal...this poor girl was broken, and in an awful emotional state, and there was , I know, a series of bad incidents that did that to her, but it seems, this one was one of them. This is my interpretation of her mental status when she first met Yuzu, and a possible cause for it.


End file.
